Hey friend, I didn't know so many things happened to you until you told me just now.
It must have been a rough journey for you. If it was me, I don't know if I have the strength to endure it all by myself, alone. But I'm glad you still manage to storm thru all these.
I think the hardest part now is how to continue this windy road ahead.
Well, its really not easy in my opinion. I remembered when I was a first poster, inserted a branula was the most challenging thing for me, especially when the pregnant ladies' vein are large, and I still managed to bunk it.
But I feel the most difficult part is not bunking the vein, its the moment I decided to pick up the branula and poked it into the patient's skin.. that's step 1 for me, and I feel step 1 is always the hardest, no matter what procedures I'm doing.
Of course there are times where I will avoid doing it, as the fear of me bunking it again is so intense. But then I realized, the more I repeat step 1, the more I can progress, physically with skill, or mentally with courage.
Often I have to repeat step 1 for upto three/four times to be able to proceed to step 2, and I tell myself that's ok, because patients come and go, but my skill will build overtime.
Sometimes in ED, we have to use the ultrasound machine to guide us when we encounter difficult branula insertion, and we succeed. But come to think of it, we can succeed is not due to the ultrasound probe, but it's because we ourselves pick up the branula and insert it.
You may have stucked in step 1 now, and have tried few times, but still felt helpless. I'm sure deep inside you, you wanted to do step 1, and many of us are willing to help you to pick up the branula again, but you must insert the branula yourself.
Give yourself time, but not too long.
I'm always available.
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